Something I have noticed or maybe I have just become more aware of, is just how many feel they are relationship experts.
We sit at a distance unaware of the circumstances and nuances of someone’s else relationships and potential challenges around them. And even though we can’t see everything, we still feel comfortable many times to passionately say what we think about a relationship.
Declaring what they are doing right or wrong.
Analysing with so little data that I now think it is laughable and sad.
The most classic and common in our culture now is to analyse those relationships of leaders or the famous. Think Hollywood and Royalty.
I am so tired of hearing about the relationship of Harry & Megan!
Here is my theory I am thinking through these days…
I wonder if we have become self proclaimed experts of relationships because we study them. And when I say study, that is even a loaded term, subject to different levels of what many consider valid study.
I see this in general in the Church world as well.
Study is encouraged (something I am not against at all) with the hope that it will create, improve, mature and other outcomes in our relationships.
We study how to relate to others.
We study how marriage could work better.
We study how to raise our kids.
And we study hoping it will help us get to know God.
But here is the kicker.
Study can build knowledge.
But it doesn’t always translate into relational growth.
Have you ever wondered like me why some people can study a relationship style endlessly and yet still fail at it?
Have you ever seen someone who is on the outside be an expert on something like marriage and yet fail many times in their own marriages. And yes I specifically noted plural.
For my Christian friends I fully endorse and encourage study.
I am not arguing against it at all.
We are encouraged strongly to study God’s Word.
Many like to cite a group of people called the Bereans because they famously studied things and sought to grow their understanding on purpose. Acts 17:11
Here is are a few questions for you…
If the goal is relationship, what is the best strategy to achieve this goal?
Can you build relationship through study?
I think relationship is built from study but also and more importantly proximity, time, conversation, journeying with that person.
Reflecting on some comments that Jesus made I get some different perspective...
Jesus was once at the home of sisters Mary & Martha.
The story goes that Martha got upset because Mary was spending more time with Jesus than her, while she was busy with serving the needs of those around them.
Jesus famously says “You [Martha] are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10 :38-42
Jesus appears to be saying that service is good, but that relationship is better.
Then another time Jesus seems to take this all up a notch in intensity.
As part of his teaching one day it tells people “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven…Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you.’ " Matthew 7:21-23
These people in Jesus example were doing kingdom things, they were busy, they would have looked like great Christians to those around them, but they didn’t have the one thing that means the most to Jesus - relationship.
Thinking on this I hope it causes you the same reflective triggers as they have for me lately. Where I ponder how I should develop relationships with others and God.
Study yes. But we can’t stop there.
Study alone can make us appear intelligent but it also has the ability to puff us up. 1 Corinthians 8:1
Scripture tells us to love one another, forgive one another. It is about relational doing / action over relational expertise through mere study.
Lived out.
Real.
Sometimes raw.
Always relevant.
Jesus doesn’t offer to save you for knowledges sake…
It was for relationship!
Something to think about…
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