#failedpastor Part Five - I was supposed to fail?

Was Thomas Edison a failure?

Did he ever think that he was?

I mean he failed a lot! 

Literally 1000’s of failed attempts before he cracked making a sustainable working lightbulb.

What about Steve Jobs, was he a failure?

Famously fired from Apple, the business he actually started!

But comes back later and we get the iPod, iPhone and so much more…

Here is what I have discovered…

Sometimes you need to fail at something, to get better at something.

And it appears the sometimes the pain of failure actually helps you to build something better.

Am I a really a failure as a pastor?

Yes, I failed, spectacularly, publicly.

Yet thankfully not from moral failure, if you were wondering?

I overworked myself. 

Most of our leaders chose to bail.

And within a few months of our enforced break, the church of over 2 decades closed for good.

My heart has wrestled many times with this, because a public failure, at scale, well it hurts.

There’s shame along with the pain. There is a weight of embarrassment.

So am I, Locky McNeill, really a failure?

The answer is of course is no in the context of my entire life.

But I did fail as a church pastor.

It may surprise you that I am right now, the most ok with that result I have ever been.

Something I have been thinking about lately is that…

Maybe I needed to fail?

Maybe failure is exactly what God needed to happen?

And maybe something is supposed to come from it that is even better than what we consider to have lost?

Job lost his family, his wealth and the respect of his wife.

For all intents and purposes he looked like he had failed in the human quest for success.

It must of hurt so so much.

But something happened that I need to remind myself of.

That if I am still breathing then I am not finished.

The Bible tells us that God restored Job and blessed him.

His sense of failure may have left a scar, but it didn’t define his total identity.

According to Henry Ford: “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”

I believe that I am only truly a failure, if I chose to park in my failure forever.

But I am declaring today as best as I can, with your fine people as my witnesses, that I am not a failure at life, just maybe part of it.

And finally to quote Thomas Edison: “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

I don’t honestly know if the best is yet to come, but I do know that I am not done.

I don’t know exactly what my life, career or ministry will look like going forward, but I do know I still breathing. 

I still have hope. 

And right now, I feel like I am back…

Watch out world!

#failedpastor Part Four - Church Hurt...it affects everyone!

Clergy abuse is bad! No argument from me.

Leaders should be held to a higher standard. 

Without a hint of incongruity or indecency.

But sometimes “the clergy” get hurt too.

I have known of leaders who have struggled under the weight in modern church practice, the pressure to perform, pressure to match unrealistic expectations, and are medicated just to try and survive.

I have known of a leader whose wife refused to attend services and support them anymore, and the very deep and personal effect it had on them.

And I have known of leaders (me) who have experienced damaging slander and life changing betrayal.

Man It hurts!

Maybe it hurts a little more because of the vulnerability, availability, sacrifice to lead a small but thriving church family.

And maybe because of the prices many families pay in the service of a larger faith family.

Contrary to public believe, the majority of Church leaders earn less than minimum wage and don’t own a Harley Davidson…

A famous biblical King experienced something related to this…

12If an enemy were insulting me,

I could endure it;

if a foe were rising against me,

I could hide.

13But it is you, a man like myself,

my companion, my close friend,

14with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship

at the house of God,

as we walked about

among the worshipers.

Psalm 55:12-14 NIV

In a modern relatable context, some of the most painful faith experiences come from those who were the very closest to us.

Look, we need great leaders!

And we need great members.

It’s a both / and equation for me.

My encouragement is the following two simple ideas.

Pray for one another

Prefer one another.

Maybe this a reason why John recorded Jesus prayers for the Church just before He gave his life for us? It would make sense that He knew the challenges we would face.

To be honest, I think most of our perceived persecution in the western church its wrongly labeled. We think forces outside the church are the main ones out to get us. 

The reality I have seen is we have more than enough forces inside attempting to demean and damage.

From the arrogant long term believer cynical and out to disrupt.

To those who feel some crazy god sense to destroy the work before them.

Or other church leaders who are insecure and promote their greener grass in the hope of justifying their call.

We are all called to something so much better.

Every one of us. Pastor and People.

I will finish with a phrase that is furnished in scripture over a dozen seperate times…

Love One Another.

Something to think about…

#failedpastor Part Three - I failed to see what was coming…

We knew something was wrong for a while.

Maybe a few years before we stoped.

But we just couldn’t figure out what it was and why we felt that way.

So we talked about it at a leadership level.

We invited other leaders in to review things.

And we still couldn’t pinpoint the problem….

Essentially the experts told me everything was fine and to keep going because “the best was yet to come”.

Years removed we think have a better idea.

The problem was hidden behind my problem.

Being nice, overworked, exhausted and burned out clouded my vision and ability to see clearly behind the scenes.

Our Church was told the truth that was palatable for us all in that season.

Yes we were done and our tanks empty.

But the other side of the truth coin was we had a major church split.

What is that you might ask?

Where your key leaders and teams decide to leave, many times orchestrating a behind the scenes process that damages you and the faith family you helped build. And many times to launch something else with a different leader.

Sometimes it is framed in flowery religious terms, but division is the outcome and pain the guaranteed result.

We felt betrayed. Cut down. 

And when you add that to burnout, it is near impossible to recover from that position.

So we waved our white flag a withdrew as quietly as we could.

What did I learn from this?

What can you learn from this?

If I had handled my workload, had a better leadership practice, then maybe I could have seen what was coming and made changes.

Because I wasn’t in a good place, I wasn’t good enough in the moment to lead the way that was needed.

As leaders you have a responsibility to the people under you care.

But you also have a responsibility to yourself. To your family. And your relationship to God.

We all acknowledge that the relationship value order is like I have mentioned.

In practice, for many of us, including myself, the opposite becomes our reality over time.

The pressure to succeed that we place on ourselves and the weight of expectation can build.

Can I encourage to be the opposite of me?

- Look after yourself.

- Maybe have a supervisory counsellor you meet with everything single month.

- Plan breaks before busyness.

- Be honest with those you can truly trust.

Leaders we need you to make it. 

To be faithful, fulfilled and still following the call well.

I am praying for you!

Something to think about…

#failedpastor Part Two - I worked too hard!

Hard work is rewarded. I think most of us believe that sentiment.

I think we do because we know deep down and instinctively that the opposite, laziness, doesn’t achieve much.

Maybe you can quote verses about ants and being a sluggard?

But can you work too hard?

How much work is too much?

Part of the challenge is that you don’t have a literal rev gauge or a fuel gauge to see just how hard you are working and how much fuel you have in your tank.

Tied into this was my belief that if I worked really hard, didn’t give up, sacrificed, served with everything I had, then that would equate with success. If not right now, then it must be guaranteed for me one day…

Not long before it all came crashing down there was a particular meeting.

It was in a monthly Elders meeting. 

One of them announced that they had come to believe that the reason why we hadn’t grown as expected in that season was all because “I wasn’t working hard enough”.

I didn’t react calmly to that one…

Some months later, after 11 years in our Church, we had spent it all.

My tank was empty.

I realised too late I had probably been red lining my internal motor for a long long time.

I would like to think it was work ethic, my never give up, never surrender attitude.

But on reflection I was not as wise as I had hoped.

We crashed out. We lost all we felt we had worked for. 

To my shame I had 42 weeks leave I never took over that service period and lost that as well when the Church had to close.

My lesson.

Work hard, just not too hard.

Lift the foot a little off the accelerator because a little slower and surviving is far better than faster and speeding to a crash.

It was suggested to me some time before all this, that you should plan breaks before planning your year and the busyness.

Guess what, I didn’t. 

Why?

I think I was in too deep. 

Like a problem gambler who thinks it will all work out playing a bit longer.

I also felt like I needed to prove my worth.

Because the church me I owed them.

Unfortunately I discovered there is no medal for burning yourself out. It is not better to burn out than to fade away!

There was no ticker tape parade. Just pain and a lot of post event reflection.

How do you figure this out?

Find some people outside your “work” you can get decent analysis from. 

Listen to your family!

Compare your leadership practice a number of others who do similar things to see where you might sit.

Maybe you have some great suggestions for people like me?

I would love hear them!

Something to think about…

#failedpastor Part One - I wanted to be nice

I have learnt that being nice isn’t always the most loving thing to be or do. Because being nice all the time means you avoid some hard things and that is ultimately not “nice” to you and every one you lead.

You see I deep down hoped that being as nice as possible to everyone would mean I would be successful. 

It worked while it worked. 

And then failed me spectacularly.

I just couldn’t keep it up in the end…

My strategy of servant leadership on many levels created a doormat leadership, where others took advantage or boundaries were not kept in regards to my time and resources.

I am not anti servant leadership, but wisdom is super important to carry this model off.

As I reflect on the many meetings, coffees and they like I had with people…

I now think of the many times where I was nice to those who weren’t that nice to me.

Where they had a strange and sometimes wrong agendas that I tried to placate because I feared them, their influence, losing someone from our Church.

Jesus said what many consider a strange phrase, one I struggled to understand for many years to be honest.

“Do not throw your pearls to swine.

If you do, they may trample them under their feet.”

I think too many times I gave my Pearls to Swine.

This means to me giving my best, my most precious gifts, to those who didn’t appreciate them, to those who would be willing to denigrate what I could offer for their own twisted benefit.

People willing to trample me for what their hearts desired.

I not saying to be the opposite of nice and be a jerk.

It is just that being nice can’t be your only tool in your leadership toolkit.

As a leader…

The nicest thing to do is be truthful.

The nicest thing to do is deal with stuff or people or challenges.

Yes be gracious ripping off the bandaid.

Ans never ignore the wound.

I wish I hadn’t been so nice to those who probably needed something better from me in those moments.

I was scared, I recognise that and I own that.

Can I encourage you to still be nice, just be wise how nice and who you are nice too.

It is ok to be a leader and make tough calls.

And sometimes that won’t feel nice, but, it will be right.

Something to think about…