Relationship Experts, especially in the Church…

Something I have noticed or maybe I have just become more aware of, is just how many feel they are relationship experts.

We sit at a distance unaware of the circumstances and nuances of someone’s else relationships and potential challenges around them. And even though we can’t see everything, we still feel comfortable many times to passionately say what we think about a relationship. 

Declaring what they are doing right or wrong. 

Analysing with so little data that I now think it is laughable and sad.

The most classic and common in our culture now is to analyse those relationships of leaders or the famous. Think Hollywood and Royalty.

I am so tired of hearing about the relationship of Harry & Megan!

Here is my theory I am thinking through these days…

I wonder if we have become self proclaimed experts of relationships because we study them. And when I say study, that is even a loaded term, subject to different levels of what many consider valid study.

I see this in general in the Church world as well.

Study is encouraged (something I am not against at all) with the hope that it will create, improve, mature and other outcomes in our relationships.

We study how to relate to others.

We study how marriage could work better.

We study how to raise our kids.

And we study hoping it will help us get to know God.

But here is the kicker.

Study can build knowledge.

But it doesn’t always translate into relational growth.

Have you ever wondered like me why some people can study a relationship style endlessly and yet still fail at it?

Have you ever seen someone who is on the outside be an expert on something like marriage and yet fail many times in their own marriages. And yes I specifically noted plural.

For my Christian friends I fully endorse and encourage study.

I am not arguing against it at all. 

We are encouraged strongly to study God’s Word.

Many like to cite a group of people called the Bereans because they famously studied things and sought to grow their understanding on purpose. Acts 17:11

Here is are a few questions for you…

If the goal is relationship, what is the best strategy to achieve this goal?

Can you build relationship through study?

I think relationship is built from study but also and more importantly proximity, time, conversation, journeying with that person.

Reflecting on some comments that Jesus made I get some different perspective...

Jesus was once at the home of sisters Mary & Martha. 

The story goes that Martha got upset because Mary was spending more time with Jesus than her, while she was busy with serving the needs of those around them.

Jesus famously says “You [Martha] are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10 :38-42

Jesus appears to be saying that service is good, but that relationship is better.

Then another time Jesus seems to take this all up a notch in intensity.

As part of his teaching one day it tells people “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven…Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you.’ " Matthew 7:21-23

These people in Jesus example were doing kingdom things, they were busy, they would have looked like great Christians to those around them, but they didn’t have the one thing that means the most to Jesus - relationship.

Thinking on this I hope it causes you the same reflective triggers as they have for me lately. Where I ponder how I should develop relationships with others and God.

Study yes. But we can’t stop there.

Study alone can make us appear intelligent but it also has the ability to puff us up. 1 Corinthians 8:1

Scripture tells us to love one another, forgive one another. It is about relational doing / action over relational expertise through mere study. 

Lived out.

Real.

Sometimes raw.

Always relevant.

Jesus doesn’t offer to save you for knowledges sake…

It was for relationship!

Something to think about…

Foot in Mouth vs Mouth and Heart

Have you heard the phrase "foot in mouth"?

Maybe just the mention of it triggers you to remember how you have done just that?

The phrase "put your foot in your mouth" means to say something by accident that embarrasses, upsets, or offends someone else" - Cambridge Dictionary 

It has apparently morphed into the phrase "putting your foot in it", meaning essentially the same thing.

The upshot is that it is probably not good.

Sometimes we say things that hurt and are probably a bit dumb.

And I am just as guilty of it as anyone I know...

Another phrase that sounds similar maybe, but has a completely different meaning and outcome, is found at both ends of your Bible.

Moses in Deuteronomy 31 talked about the use of Mouth and Heart.

Then Paul teaches in Romans 10 about Mouth and Heart, seemingly referring back to what Moses taught, and then adding some powerful next steps.

It makes sense to me that if it appears so much in scripture and via two of arguably pretty influential leaders, then maybe I should take special note of it?

The idea they are trying to convey. The application it could bring for my life right now?

I honesty think that is not enough to know something when it comes to faith.

A whole new level opens up when we believe it in our hearts and talk about it openly.

Faith that apparently that God seems to take notice of is more aligned with belief, speech and action than just merely knowing about it.

I know making statements about faith lately makes some nervous.

I agree with you, but it shouldn't stop you from saying what you believe in your heart to God and to others (appropriately).

What you believe in your heart is probably the most true thing that you believe.

Therefore something you should pay attention to. 

And especially since what comes out of us scripture tells, comes from the heart.

So let's avoid Foot in Mouth as best we can.

And let's maybe embrace Mouth and Heart a bit more...

Something to think about...

Extremes aren't helping us much

The last 6 years have truly been for me somewhat eye opening along with being challenging.

Being out of full time ministry and leading a church was not my plan, but it presented maybe a God ordained window to experience and to learn more widely?

One greater than I could have ever planned.

And to be honest one I wouldn't have planned for myself...

Ever since I began to follow Jesus in 1991 I have been fully engaged of what many would consider a pentecostal or charismatic form of faith expression.
Before that I was actually brought up in a very conservative farming community Presbyterian church.

And for the past six years I have been involved in ministry outside the church, attended a large variety of styles and theological bents and been again involved more recently in a Church under a more conservative stream.

Something I have seen if I can generalise a little for moment, is that people seem to many times love to find a position on stylised faith, theological position, self considered “this is the best model” mindset and camp there. 

Not satisfied with that, many then try and go to the perceived extreme of that position and belief structure.

This extreme pendulum swing creates I believe a dynamic that doesn't help the Church in general, where we then promote our position as best or preferable. We can become potentially blind to other options and even blind to what God might be wanting to do with others, and maybe even us.

Here are some recent examples I have seen:

(Note - not everyone I have seen for the sake of this blog size)

Holy Spirit was Then vs Holy Spirit is for Now

There have become ever more pendulum extremes of belief on the Holy Spirt.

Some believe the Holy Spirit is active now in our time and something we should embrace to truly be the Church, to truly understand what it is like to follow Christ. That without this key attribute of faith you will lack power, special gifting and even the ability to continue in faith.

Another group states clearly that the Holy Spirit has been part of the historical narrative and isn't important for today. That the Holy Spirit helped establish the Church and helped us get the Bible. That anyone seeking to explore this aspect of faith is a 'weirdo' and probably just looking for an emotional experience - one the other end of the pendulum considers fake or even demonic.

Apostles are Historic vs Apostles operate Today

I have some sympathy for the debate and confusion around the concept of Apostles. 

I have to admit that I have been bemused and disturbed by the seemingly liberal use of the term. Where all around the world people are declaring themselves to be an Apostle.

Here are the two extremes of the pendulum:

Apostles only existed nearly 2000 years ago to establish the Church and that the role of Apostle ended with the book of Acts and the writings of the New Testament in general.

The other extreme is that Apostles could and should exist today and anyone can be an Apostle. 

My personal opinion is that both extremes are problematic and purposefully ignore what the Apostles even taught about being Apostles. #ironic.

And I add to my thinking that my reading of the early Apostles is that it was not something to attain for but was a recognition of an office.

Bible Stories are Historic and Allegoric in Nature vs Bible Stories being Examples for Now and even Life Giving

One camp loves the extreme of reflecting on the stories and the accounts in scripture and then creating narratives based on what they personally would like them to mean. Sometimes going to great lengths to try and prove they are wrong, that God's character and motivation is evil and they have discovered some hidden truth.

The other camp firmly believes in the Bible so much that everything including what to eat, what to wear, who to talk to, where to live is intrinsically linked to scripture and must not be questioned or deviated from.

Declarations of Faith are Wrong vs Declarations of Faith are Best Practice

Here we have the idea of making passionate verbal statements either in private to God or in a larger group setting related to something of faith. Hence why they are called declarations.

One group thinks this is potentially demonic and to be avoided as abhorrent behaviour.

Another group thinks that they have the potential to change everything we don't like, and without using them we won't see God do something.

For me the extremes are both problematic.

One ignores the many times Scripture records people of faith making declarations.

The other thinks they can get God to do anything they want, like they are in charge of the Kingdom.

I could go on and on with examples...

I am also disturbed by the extremes of the 'name it and claim it' hyper faith movement as much as the claims that the Holy Spirit, the gifts and everything related to them, finished thousands of years ago.

I am disturbed by endless arguments over who is right and who has the best model of Church.
I am disturbed that many ministries are based on critique and not on Christian discipleship.
I am disturbed that the Pharisee mentality has never really left Church history.

I am disturbed by passion at which others look to destroy brothers and sisters of faith.

For me, I am determined today not to tell you who is right, or even what to think.
What I am determined to do I believe is to encourage you to look at faith and its practice in your life more deeply. 

To avoid taking and holding an extreme position as you continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling - wrestling with God and what it means for you to follow Him right now with all your heart mind and soul.

Something to think about...

Watch Out

As someone passionate about faith, understanding it, living it, and where I can, defending it, the reporting of what is happening around faith today has my full attention.

And I want to suggest it should have your attention as well.

Jesus said these powerful and I think important words that I want to share today:

"Watch out that no one deceives you" 

Matthew 24:3 NIV

He goes on to say after this all important and attention grabbing phrase the different ways this could happen to you and me.

I am reminded that there is first of all potential to be deceived along with deception being around.

I am reminded that I need to take responsibility for my faith, what has been entrusted to me freely, and guard what God has deposited in my life.

I am reminded that what I believe matters for eternity. What I study. What I watch. What I look at. And also what I propagate into the world.

Other Bible verses encourage things like:

Study to show yourself approved. 2 Timothy 2:15

Be ready to give a reason for the hope you have. 1 Peter 3:15

Make the most of today. Ephesians 5:15-16

Invest wisely with what God has given me. Matthew 25

My big takeaway is that I need to wrestle with my faith and protect it.

To watch out that I am not deceived. Because deception could be around any corner if I am not purposeful to avoid it, to have mastery over it.

Can I encourage you to do the same?

Watch what you watch.

Analysis carefully what is presented as fact.

Measure the so called truth out there against God's truth.

Something to think about...

View Numbers Update | August 2026

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