Coming this August!

That's right, we are launching an Online Show via Facebook Live and YouTube this August.
We are pretty excited about it and really hoping and praying it helps you on your journey in some way...

We still plan to publish Blog Posts so don't panic, we are not going away.

God Bless

Locky :)

We have a question for you

 

How can you help? (helping someone facing burnout)

You may have asked yourself at some point "how can you help?"

Wondered what does helping someone dealing with burnout possibly look like?

Based on my own very personal experience as I journey through this and doing a whole lot of reading and research on this topic, I have boiled down my advice on how you could possibly help someone navigating this season. 

It is purposefully short because this is actually the point for me and others on this journey.

People with burnout simply cannot deal with convoluted and overly complicated recovery plans.

You are tired. Your brain is tired. Your soul is weary. 

So simple is best for us.

So here are my 4 quick tips...

1. Avoid trying to fix us

Seek to journey with us as opposed to giving your all in a moment.

Your 5 best tips for a better life won't be received in the manner you would like.

Those who are "fixers" are super quick to try and fix you with their unsolicited (at times) quick fire advice.

Those who are "explainers" want to drill deep and fast, many times attributing blame thick and heavy, and then layering it up with endless advice.

Even with the best of intentions fixers and explainers come across as "I am doing great, you're doing not so great, therefore I am better than you."

There is a a concept in Jewish culture I have always found fascinating.

It is called in English - sitting shiva. 

Essentially the idea is all based around simply sitting with someone who is grieving, struggling, facing loss on some level. You shut up. You listen. You support and show love just by being there with in their moment of struggle and need.

If they want to talk that is fine, but you do it on their terms.

You are purposefully tempering your response. 

Advice giving is by invitation only and then kept simple.

Simple is best and little is even better.

Trust me, we feel bad enough as it is. 

We blame ourselves with a level of self loathing you can not comprehend. 

But you being there will speak love at a level deeply unique.

2. Simply listen to us

Maybe it is because we want to simplify the way the world works for our benefit and ease of understanding? We seem to expect everyone is the same because we are all human.

But I have been reminded many times over in my life that while that is true, we are hugely nuanced as individuals. Our upbringing, experiences and even responses create in us subtle differences. Differences not to be frowned upon. Actually to ultimately be embraced.

That is why this point follows the first. The fixer mentality is doubly wrong because we aren't all the same.  

Being told that they understand when they don't is really frustrating. 

Even if you think you do, my friend you simply don't.

And burned out people don't expect you to understand but hope you might listen...

Ask how they feel.

Ask how they are going.

And if they don't want to talk, just hangout.

Trust me in this. A burned out person is very torn...

On one hand we want to run and hide and on the other we are desperately lonely.

A gentle and genuine friend, even for a moment, does something for you that you can not always put into words.

3. See how you can journey with us

A journey is what we are on.

And if you want to help, you join us on the journey...

Look for ways to encourage us. 

Burned out people have normally lost their confidence and confidence takes times to rebuild in any meaningful way. 

It is probably going to take longer than you think for us to come "right", whatever that means and looks like going forward.

Trust me, we are more frustrated over the recovery time than you ever will be. And if we pick up on the fact you are frustrated at some lack of perceived recovery progress, well that reinforces the sense of failure and frustration we live with.

Simply and wisely pick a pattern of contact that is slow and steady.

That works best for us and should take all the pressure off you.

4. Speak well of us

We are specially tuned to negative. 

We feel like a failure. 

Everything around us reminds us that the sense of failure is a true and lived reality.

It doesn't always matter that you as a friend or support person sees us as unique, talented etc. We see ourselves as fallen and broken and even potentially now worthless. That is why many contemplate the ultimate checkout. We feel we have lost so much and the clouds in our head prevent us from seeing how life could even be better.

Speak well of us to our face.

Speak well of us behind our back.

And if you are a praying person, speak well of us to God...

You can be part of someones recovery!

You have an opportunity to make a difference in someones life that they will indeed never forget. 

That is pretty unique and honourable in my opinion. 

And we all want to make a difference right?

Well this could be your divine opportunity....

So if you know someone like me on this particular journey please don't just give them space. Space eventually turns into distance, which turns into perceived loss. 

Wisely, graciously, prayerfully, gently grab these tips and be heaven on earth to that dear one facing this unenviable journey.

Something to think about...

If you want to support what I have done and will do in the future, you can now do that with something called Buy Me A Coffee - your support means the world to us!

Real, Raw, Relevant

If you asked me in a conversation "how many Facebook friends do you have?", to my shame now and over the years of being on social media, I could probably answer you exactly, to the number.

I wonder if you are like me and now think that is kind of weird?

This strange I guess pathological desire or need to have a large so-called friend group.

To have a platform, an audience, a crowd that we hope we can impress on some level and desperately hope that will cheer us on.

As part of this current life and recovery journey I have been on I have learned again that in regards to friends, and I mean true friends, less in not a bad thing. It is actually the best thing!

Quantity is definitely not guaranteed to bring quality. 

And "the right" friends is so much more conducive to my recovery.

Maybe you buck this trend...well good for you!

But sadly most of us have drunk the cool-aid.

We get some sense of value from having as many social media friends as possible.

The idea that maybe lots of friends will make you "feel" more accepted, valued and even encouraged.

As a Pastor our time is strangely split between crowds and one on one interactions.

Sundays or specials events is your crowd moment face to face. 

Then we have a crowd we have following our blogs, listening to our podcasts, watching our 'gram' pics with our ministry highlights.

One on one we seek to help those wrestling with whatever they are facing. Hoping our advice/ministry
could be the difference maker in that moment.

We ride a paradox of never alone and yet sometimes feeling very alone.

When our 'ministry' came to a screeching halt last year this all became very real, raw and relevant for me to somehow deal with, to navigate out of, and build a slightly different existence.

I discovered that friends who I thought were friends simply weren't.

I discovered the crowds disappeared like a chocolate bar in our home - very quickly!

And I also discovered something very cool...

I will come back to that very soon - but first can I talk about this Jesus guy (please don't freak out if he is not your thing right now)?

The other day I was driving home from one of my many part time contract roles I do now. Thinking about how this Jesus guy was purportedly the greatest person ever to exist and yet he didn't have many friends!

History tells us he picked 12 guys to be his disciples and learn from him. And when it came to very personal and special moments, he only included a small group of 3.

Was it because he was not cool? Was his social media cred not on point?

I realised that Jesus had a few close friends because that is what worked best for him.

And I have learned in this season that a few great friends is all I really need.

Jesus example I think is a great example for us all...

I have some amazing people in my life right now.

People I feel I can be real, raw and relevant with.

I would name them but that would probably embarrass them. 

They have made all the difference for me and I am extremely grateful.

Maybe you recognise the trap now that might have been set for you?

That bait of popularity, of persona based on nothing more than a reader digest highlight real.

Maybe you feel lonely in the crowd?

My friend don't do anything rash, simply focus on have a few great friends. Cultivate a few special friendship where you can be real, raw and relevant with.

In my opinion it is far healthier and will help you navigate life so much better.

Something to think about...

If you want to support what I have done and will do in the future, you can now do that with something called Buy Me A Coffee - your support means the world to us!

Hurt

I have discovered recently that there are definitely some pieces of advice that are super easy to give and super difficult potentially to enact in life.
Not impossible. Just difficult.

For many years I promoted some "biblical" advice or instruction on a topic I was passionate about. I never portrayed it as super easy but something I strongly recommended if you want to do this life thing well.

I painted a picture for my listeners or readers of the easy steps one could take. I promoted strongly the super obvious benefits of going through this process.

I even regaled the audience with stories of my own past success in this area, in the hope it would encourage them to believe it was possible for them as well.

Then last year happened...

I am not talking about Covid-19 even though it played a small part.

I am not talking about the changed world in general and way of life for us all.

My life changed dramatically in the middle of the year when I found myself unemployed from what many would consider a stable, if not dramatic for most, career path as a Pastor.

I have shared in previous posts since that time that I have been on a journey of navigating burnout.

But burnout was not the only reason I found myself in this unenviable position at my stage of life.

Sadly many other people played a role in my departure from formal Church ministry.

For reasons only truly known to them, they decided the 'right thing' to do, was to leave our Church and encourage as many others as possible to do exactly the same thing.

They were people very close to us.

They were people seen as important, influential, even considered knowledgeable.

So why wouldn't people believe the bad report they gave out generously?

Many many things were said about me and my family.

Many accusations were made.

While they probably have 'good reasons' for their desire to move on, from what I had fed back to me, most of their statements were untrue and some were downright slanderous lies. 

Even as I type this some 7-8 months later, I honestly find it painful to think about.

Something in my heart hurts to some degree.

Time may have dulled the acute pain, but something is still there.

And that is what I want to share about today...

I know in my heart of hearts, in the very core of my being, that I need to forgive them.

But honestly part of me doesn't want to.

I don't want to forgive them at all.

Part of me is wanting revenge.

Part of me is hoping they suffer some repercussions for their role in my sadness.

I have found myself reviewing my so called great advice on forgiveness and realising it is not as easy as I hoped...

Please note - I am not going to share specifics!

The very last thing I want to ever do is go on some campaign to over defend myself even in light of the dribble spoken against me. I will not counter their destructive campaign with one of my own.

Even this week someone who had heard of me wanted to speak about it. They are friends with everyone who played a part in my demise. And inside I wanted to let rip. Oh boy I did. Thinking great, here is my shot to peg back the score a little in my favour. 

Gratefully something else inside of me tempered my response.

So right now I am honestly working through how to forgive those who hurt me, my family and the Church I proudly was leading with every ounce of my being.

A famous man from Bible times penned these words a long time ago and boy do they ring true for me...

It is not an enemy who taunts me—

I could bear that.

It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me—

I could have hidden from them.

Instead, it is you—my equal, my companion and close friend.

Psalm 55:12-14 NLT

Jesus was having conversation about the dreaded forgiveness topic one day and responded to a question from one of his friends.

Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus rep-lied "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

Matthew 18-21-22 NIV

Notice how it is always the person or people close enough to be a type of family member that forgiveness seems inexplicably linked to...and that is the point I think.

That is where the most hurt can potentially come from.

And that is why forgiveness is sooooo important.

It seems really at the end of the day the only way out from the pain we might be carrying.

It is the mechanism to release something we can't carry without extending the damage bitterness brings.

So yes I will continue to walk the burnout recovery journey.

I will continue to rebuild my life and some form of career.

Plus right now I am also navigating forgiving those who hurt me.

As Jesus famously said on that horrible cross, "Father forgive them, they have no idea what they are doing." 

I want that to grow as my hearts biggest cry going forward somehow.

To be the biggest underline of that horrible moment in my life.

Maybe you have been hurt at some stage by someone very close to you? I am so sorry that happened to you! I think I now have a measure of understanding of what it might have been like for you...

May you find the grace and space to explore forgiveness just as I am endeavouring to.

May we both grow from this hurt to a healthier place.

Something to think about...

If you want to support what I have done and will do in the future, you can now do that with Buy Me A Coffee - I love coffee!