#failedpastor Part One - I wanted to be nice

I have learnt that being nice isn’t always the most loving thing to be or do. Because being nice all the time means you avoid some hard things and that is ultimately not “nice” to you and every one you lead.

You see I deep down hoped that being as nice as possible to everyone would mean I would be successful. 

It worked while it worked. 

And then failed me spectacularly.

I just couldn’t keep it up in the end…

My strategy of servant leadership on many levels created a doormat leadership, where others took advantage or boundaries were not kept in regards to my time and resources.

I am not anti servant leadership, but wisdom is super important to carry this model off.

As I reflect on the many meetings, coffees and they like I had with people…

I now think of the many times where I was nice to those who weren’t that nice to me.

Where they had a strange and sometimes wrong agendas that I tried to placate because I feared them, their influence, losing someone from our Church.

Jesus said what many consider a strange phrase, one I struggled to understand for many years to be honest.

“Do not throw your pearls to swine.

If you do, they may trample them under their feet.”

I think too many times I gave my Pearls to Swine.

This means to me giving my best, my most precious gifts, to those who didn’t appreciate them, to those who would be willing to denigrate what I could offer for their own twisted benefit.

People willing to trample me for what their hearts desired.

I not saying to be the opposite of nice and be a jerk.

It is just that being nice can’t be your only tool in your leadership toolkit.

As a leader…

The nicest thing to do is be truthful.

The nicest thing to do is deal with stuff or people or challenges.

Yes be gracious ripping off the bandaid.

Ans never ignore the wound.

I wish I hadn’t been so nice to those who probably needed something better from me in those moments.

I was scared, I recognise that and I own that.

Can I encourage you to still be nice, just be wise how nice and who you are nice too.

It is ok to be a leader and make tough calls.

And sometimes that won’t feel nice, but, it will be right.

Something to think about…